


A case of care

by punkypeggy



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gen, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-10
Updated: 2014-04-10
Packaged: 2018-01-18 21:53:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1444219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkypeggy/pseuds/punkypeggy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Caring is not an advantage. And let me tell you why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A case of care

**Author's Note:**

> I have this tendency to always write from Sherlock's point of view. Probably because I write him on Twitter all day (?)

I am sure John Watson thinks I am a machine who does not care at all about the victims in our cases. He would be right, but only partially, as he only can.

  
Caring has never saved any lives. On the contrary, it has complicated most. We humans intrinsically know it, but denial appears to reign as the most powerful force, far stronger than hate or love. We are faulty. But the only way to save ourselves is to struggle against this fact and try to obliterate it completely, as long as we live.

  
  
I am, in fact, a machine. A perfect, thinking machine -or so I like to say, almost as much as I prefer to think myself as a high functioning sociopath instead of admitting that there are things I simply cannot do like others-. But with this clarity of mind comes a burden. Denial repels me. Denial is weakness. And so is caring. 

  
  
And yet…

  
You can never overcome the atrocious _cold_ that comes from a corpse. A cold capable of penetrating your skin, your flesh, your bones, your marrow, your thought itself. Everytime we reach a new crime scene, John immediately thinks of the family, the ones who are left behind. I can’t. I don’t care. How can I care about them when I see a whole life -a story, a puzzle- unravelling in front of my eyes to stop completely - _dead cold_ -, final, full stop, _curtain fall_?

  
  
I am not religious. I _know_ there is nothing left but oxygen, carbon, nitrogen, calcium, phosphorus, potassium, sulfur, sodium, chlorine, magnesium, iron, fluorine, zinc, silicon, rubidium, strontium… I _know_ there is nothing left but what remains. I cannot hold any hope, for others, or for myself. We all get turned to nothing in the end.

  
There is nothing to do for the families. For the ones left behind. There is no time for me to mourn or to care.

  
  
But with my gift, with my curse… There is something I can do for the deceased.

  
  
To find the truth, as a final show of respect.


End file.
